Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
