I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
