Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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