the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
