You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
