he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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