you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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