yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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