tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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