i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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