Welp...herpes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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