Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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