Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
