I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
