on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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