I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
