i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
