I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
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they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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