someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
