drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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