Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just found puke in my bra..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
