Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
