You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
