Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
