that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
