Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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