end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
