Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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