i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
