I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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