The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
