filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
