I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
