Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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