whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
