I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
