Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
