And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
