I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
