can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
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i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
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Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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