True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
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I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
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I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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