And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Your cock deserves a montage
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
