Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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