You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
