she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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