Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
