How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
