i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
