can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
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I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize