How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
