Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I supernannyed him into submission
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
