Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
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I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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