my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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