She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
