ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Enjoy the penises
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
