i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
