She's JV to your varsity
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
