help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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