I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
