Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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