nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
