I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
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