wakey wakey hands off snakey
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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