I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
