i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
