Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize