Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
