Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
