ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
