why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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