All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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