I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
